I looked at my own cervix.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
