I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
he had hair everywhere except his balls
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize