What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
