She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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