so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just invented taco cereal.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
