Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
