peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
