U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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