I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
they call him Oral-B. enough said
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
