You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
