just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
