Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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