well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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