is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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