he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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