I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
