when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
