Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize