and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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