I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
