She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize