Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize