it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize