Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
