R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize