We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
