saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize