Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
two words: eviction party
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize