i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
