Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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