I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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