So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
