im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
