mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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