At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
