i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
