I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize