so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
