dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
