Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize