I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
