I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
