so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize