Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
