Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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