he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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