Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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