toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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