dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
