If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize