Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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