my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
