This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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