Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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