my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
