I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
