That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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