I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
