Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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