i jhust puked up my retainher.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
