I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
