He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
