apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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